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As I sit here watching the same Spongebob DVD for the 3rd time today already I wonder, where is my life going? I don't have a job, I don't go to school, all I do all day every day is sit here on the couch and fiddle around on the computer, most of the time not even really doing anything but refreshing FA. I hate the way my life is right now, I barely leave the house due to my anxiety and panic attacks. I leave the house maybe once a day during the week to pick up my mate from work and that is it. I come back to my mom's house and sit here. Yes, I said my mom's house. Even though I have my own place it is in such a mess that I can't be there. I start feeling sick the moment that I walk in there. Over the past few months, almost a year actually I have been getting weaker and weaker. I lose energy faster and I get tired easily. It seems that the moment I wake up I am already tired again and just getting myself sat up and uncovered makes me tired to the point that my muscles are already aching. Even just sitting here typing my fingers are starting to shake and burn.
This is why I am going to have myself tested for Fibromyalgia. I have made countless trips to the ER and doctor to try and figure out what is wrong and they all tell me that nothing is wrong other than my anxiety and depression. As much as I don't want it to come back positive I think I would be a little relieved to finally have a name for what is wrong with me. Even though there is no cure the symptoms can be treated to make it a little more bearable.
So what is the point of this blog? It's mainly just an outlet right now because I feel like I can't talk to anyone right now. Thanks to anyone who has read this, it really means a lot to me.